You may have images of Joey, Rachel, Ross etc and the all to familiar theme tune of "that" TV sitcom running through your head as you look at this posting. So let me begin by assuring you this isn’t a review of a 30 year old TV programme. Though one of the more famous lines from it “we were on a break” maybe somewhat apt for this post.
Something that became apparent to me when I left UNICEF, which I hadn’t really considered too much beforehand, was that I was also moving away from the friends and social circles that I had built up over decades working for UNICEF.
Making friends through work at UNICEF was pretty easy. You were working with a group of largely like minded people, who are largely passionate about what they do, motivated to make the work really count in improving the lives of the most vulnerable children and their families. You were probably living amongst other “ExPats” many of whom were in the country for a similar amount of time and were motivated to be “friendly”. Sometimes they became really good friends and you probably developed friendships that have endured well beyond a particular duty station.
When I left UNICEF and moved back to the country I now called home, I tried to trick myself into believing that I was just moving to my next exciting duty station. Different work but it surely wouldn’t be too hard to fit in? I had done this pretty successfully in six previous duty stations.
Actually it was. No one was particularly interested in what I had done, and what experiences I might have had and what use I might possibly be to anyone or anything in my own country.
Of course we had family nearby who sort of understood what we had been doing for the last three decades and where we had been living. We had friends from before we joined UNICEF, who we could reconnect with and old friends are always good friends. But making new friends in a new community was not like moving to a new duty station and just slotting in as we had done so well before.
One rule that we did stick too was don’t say anything negative about our new "home/duty station" and accept every invitation for at least the first six months. And people did ask us questions about what we did, and where we had been. People were nice and I think I am quite “competent” in making moderately interesting conversation. But it pains me to report that on so many occasions after just a few seconds peoples’ eyes would glaze over and while they nodded their heads seemingly appreciatively, their eyes would wander, searching perhaps for someone not quite so boring to talk to.
Sometimes with UNICEF we think our work is the most important thing that can be done. Building a stronger, more educated, more resilient next generation is how we make the world a better place – right!? Cue the yawns from the people you are talking to over a cup of tea at the tennis club, during a break in play.
I reasonably quickly remembered that the most important part of making new friends is being interested in those you want to be friends with, asking them what they have done or are doing about their family – you know the basics, conversation 101. You hope this “interest” is going to be reciprocated. But the onus was on me, I was the newbie working to break into often well-established social circles.
Leaving UNICEF wasn't like moving to a new duty station. I missed the work I used to be doing and for a while I missed the blindingly obvious fact that I was no longer Tim from UNICEF, I was just Tim and it takes a while to earn or develop the links, connections and friendships in a new community without the wonderful UNICEF "social crutch".
More musings to come so please look out for - What to do la #4 Cleaning?
Something that became apparent to me when I left UNICEF, which I hadn’t really considered too much beforehand, was that I was also moving away from the friends and social circles that I had built up over decades working for UNICEF.
Making friends through work at UNICEF was pretty easy. You were working with a group of largely like minded people, who are largely passionate about what they do, motivated to make the work really count in improving the lives of the most vulnerable children and their families. You were probably living amongst other “ExPats” many of whom were in the country for a similar amount of time and were motivated to be “friendly”. Sometimes they became really good friends and you probably developed friendships that have endured well beyond a particular duty station.
When I left UNICEF and moved back to the country I now called home, I tried to trick myself into believing that I was just moving to my next exciting duty station. Different work but it surely wouldn’t be too hard to fit in? I had done this pretty successfully in six previous duty stations.
Actually it was. No one was particularly interested in what I had done, and what experiences I might have had and what use I might possibly be to anyone or anything in my own country.
Of course we had family nearby who sort of understood what we had been doing for the last three decades and where we had been living. We had friends from before we joined UNICEF, who we could reconnect with and old friends are always good friends. But making new friends in a new community was not like moving to a new duty station and just slotting in as we had done so well before.
One rule that we did stick too was don’t say anything negative about our new "home/duty station" and accept every invitation for at least the first six months. And people did ask us questions about what we did, and where we had been. People were nice and I think I am quite “competent” in making moderately interesting conversation. But it pains me to report that on so many occasions after just a few seconds peoples’ eyes would glaze over and while they nodded their heads seemingly appreciatively, their eyes would wander, searching perhaps for someone not quite so boring to talk to.
Sometimes with UNICEF we think our work is the most important thing that can be done. Building a stronger, more educated, more resilient next generation is how we make the world a better place – right!? Cue the yawns from the people you are talking to over a cup of tea at the tennis club, during a break in play.
I reasonably quickly remembered that the most important part of making new friends is being interested in those you want to be friends with, asking them what they have done or are doing about their family – you know the basics, conversation 101. You hope this “interest” is going to be reciprocated. But the onus was on me, I was the newbie working to break into often well-established social circles.
Leaving UNICEF wasn't like moving to a new duty station. I missed the work I used to be doing and for a while I missed the blindingly obvious fact that I was no longer Tim from UNICEF, I was just Tim and it takes a while to earn or develop the links, connections and friendships in a new community without the wonderful UNICEF "social crutch".
More musings to come so please look out for - What to do la #4 Cleaning?
This very much resonates with my own experience. When coming home for the first vacations, I thought people would be interested in first-hand stories from Somalia or Sudan. But after a few minutes and one or two polite questions, they would launch into detailed accounts of how it had taken a full three days to get their broken washing machine fixed, or the daily trials and tribulations of their commute to work.
ReplyDeleteEven when returning home for good, our mindset remains different from that of those who stayed home, or never left their own country in the first place. That is exactly why we have this platform: a place where we can exchange views about things we often find difficult to discuss with the people living just down the street.
Even when our opinions differ, here on the blog we can engage with people who share a similar life experience, and whose stories may ring a bell, or so I hope.
Very true la!
ReplyDelete