Motivation? I don't need motivation. I need a laugh and a deadline.

Extracted from "105 Funny Motivational Quotes"
by Alanna Marshall
BuzzFeed

Click here for the original Buzzfeed list


1. “I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several attack me at once.” —Jennifer Yane

2. “Sometimes I think I’m too sarcastic, but then I remember the people I deal with, and I’m fine again.” —Erma Bombeck

3. “May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.” —Joey Adams

4. "Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." —Mark Twain

5. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” —A.A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh)

6. “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” —Charles M. Schulz

7. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily.” —Zig Ziglar

8. "Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else." —Margaret Mead

9. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” —Oscar Wilde

10. “I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go into another room and read a book.” —Groucho Marx

11. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far, I’ve finished two bags of M&M’s and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” —Dave Barry

12. “If you can’t be a good example, you’ll just have to be a horrible warning.” —Catherine Aird

13. “Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.” —Miles Kington

14. “Optimist: someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s more like a cha-cha.” —Robert Brault

15. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” —Jack Handey

16. “Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” —Franklin P. Jones

17. “To be is to do — Socrates. To do is to be — Jean-Paul Sartre. Do be do be do — Frank Sinatra.” —Kurt Vonnegut

18. “Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.” ―Mark Twain

19. “Life is like a sewer…what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” —Tom Lehrer

20. “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” —Terry Pratchett