EXTRA, EXTRA , Read All About It ! : The Lake Brome Duck and Drake Weekly / Fouad Kronfol

From our special correspondent in New York.

The UN Secretary General, Gutsy Tony, today announced that he met with designated UNICEF Executive Director, Ed Fragetit, who true to his name told him, "Tony, I desist from the post as my rental lease problem has not been solved". So our efficient Head & Shoulders Hunters team went to Plan W (for Women) and today I am pleased to announce I have appointed Edwina Otte, also known as Ed Otte (she was the eighth child) as the new UNICEF ED. Naturally, this appointment was on the recommendation of the Chair of the UNICEF Executive Board, HE. Bored Seatt.

Ms. Otte is a Danish national, so that the Europeans have finally broken the 75 year monopoly of the USA in this prestigious post. The Swedes didn't make it with Michanek, the Finns also didn't with Elizabeth Renne, the Norwegians got pretty close with Karin Sham Poo, so now the Scandinavians are quite pleased. I am also happy that Ms. Otte is a woman which improves my reputation for gender balance in senior UN posts.

Her particular strength is in social justice issues which comes from being born in the northern province of Justland, where her family have had roots for centuries and her great grandfather served as part-time counselor in her home town.

Ed is an ardent linguist; she is fluent in Swedish, Norwegian, Danish, and is about to finish Finnish in Babel. She is also an internationalist having spent a semester in the Nelson Mandela technical school in Soweto where she studied Zulu, Wolof and Swahili. Her experience in African affairs will come in handy with the accent that UNICEF has been giving to that continent.

Ms. Otte is well versed in UNICEF supply and logistics matters having been a volunteer storekeeper at the UNIPAC warehouse for three summers. She is an avid reader having read Hans Christian Andersen's "The Little Mermaid " twice already. She is also an accomplished poet having won an award in the fifth grade competition of her gymnasium.

She has posted the following on her TicToc account:

I am especially honored and happy,

To learn that I am appointed to be,

The eighth UNICEF ED.

I would like to share my glee

With all members of my family tree.

It is a great feeling to see

That a small nation facing the Baltic Sea

Now will occupy this important and key

Post, as it comes to a woman like me.

So I make this earnest plea

To all 25,000 staffers, you are free,

To join me for crumpets with tea

At UNICEF House without a fee.

I am elated and can only say, Gee!

Can hardly wait to become a USG....