The English are crazy : Ken Gibbs

KEN'S COOKER   

        

I regret having been born into an English family, living abroad. I’ve often wondered if there is something in the DNA of the English that sets them apart from other, more normal nationalities.

Let me give you an example of this craziness: I walk into the kitchen and find my wife on her knees in front of the stove. Is she praying to the stove, I wonder, and has she adopted a new culinary religion ? When she eventually adopts a standing position, she informs me that she is simply looking at what is in the oven to check whether it is ready or not. Being an engineer myself, I wonder why kitchen white-goods designers didn’t design ovens all to be at counter level where you don’t have to lie of the floor to see what’s happening inside.

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As if this anomaly were to be the only DNA oddity of the English, one could perhaps accept it. However, when it comes to the language – which, for some obscure reason, is spoken quite widely – particularly where ‘Brits’ like to take their vacations – then one would expect a language simplified to enable those for whom English is not a home language to understand more easily. Sadly, this seems not to be the case.

What, for instance, is the meaning of ‘Teach your grandmother to suck eggs’ ? If you don’t know, try Mr Google. . . . . .

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I am one of a family of five boys, all of whom married. Of the five sisters-in-law, only one can be classified as truly ‘English’ – with the rest coming from Scotland, Zimbabwe, Australia and South Africa so one would expect that the gene-pool would be somewhat diluted.

At this stage, three of the five brothers have died, but all of the sisters-in-law remain with us, so there is much internet traffic between them.

The oldest sister-in-law is Scottish and, in her more excitable moments, she lapses into a Scottish brogue unintelligible to the rest of us. Odd that, being brought up in Scotland where the educational system is rather better than in other parts of the United Kingdom, but we know that we will get an explanation when she has calmed down a bit. At this stage, she speaks English, some French and Portuguese so can be rated as being well travelled.

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Recently, we were gifted an Air-Fryer which is said to be the answer in our kitchen because it is situated on a counter in the utility room, and the contents can be inspected during the cooking process without having to bow in prayer to the wretched machine. You’d think that it is the answer to any maiden’s prayer – but my wife (South African) remains to be convinced. Seems that the cooking is going to devolve on me because I can at least read the book of instructions.

One curiosity about our new Air-Fryer is that the book of instructions does not list the cooking of eggs. Consulting our Scottish sister-in-law, we were told that it is a doddle, she cooks eggs in her Air-Fryer, frequently.

Now those husbands who are relegated to the kitchen on Sunday nights to boil an egg for supper and who may have become accustomed to pricking the eggs before placing them in boiling water, may be asking whether you need to prick eggs that go straight into the Air-Fryer ? Well, as a double-check, we decided to consult our Scottish sister-in-law for her experience. She says she never pricks her eggs before cooking in the Air-Fryer. . . . .She cooks the un-pricked eggs at 180°C for 4 to 6 minutes.

Once bitten, twice shy – is the saying in English. I admire our Scottish sister-in-law BUT I thought I’d just double-fact-check using Google. It took a bit of time but the on-line consensus is that it is fine to cook ‘boiled’ eggs in the Air-Fryer but only if the temperature is less than 150°C. Above that, there is a risk that un-pricked eggs will explode.

So, the question now is not ‘if’ but ‘when’ will my Scottish sister-in-law have an explosion in her Air-Fryer; and what will happen as a result ? Any readers of this article who have had this happen to them are asked to share their experience – even anonymously if they are embarrassed.

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