Mother’s Day by Nuzhat Shahzadi

We observed Mother's Day on 11 May this year. Flowers, food and family are the common themes of this day. I nurtured the memories of my mother, grandmother, aunts, cousin-sister . . . heartening and heartbreaking . . . claimed by cycle of life.

Mother's Day spells big business. No one is allowed to forget it ––constant hammering with product promotions, coupons, deals are blaring reminders. Resistance is futile . . .

According to a survey from the US National Retail Federation, in 2025, the public are projected to spend $34.1 billions on this day––the average person's spending around $259. During these desperate economic conditions, spending remains strong––84% of American adults planning to celebrate the day.

The super markets, grocery stores are embalmed in fragrances of fresh blooms, special merchandise. Specific stalls are built both inside and outside of the stores offering various kinds of bouquets, flowering plants in specially designed expensive colorful pots––ravishing and terrifying . . . the heat is felt in the pocket . . .

My son is a seasoned-sinner of Mother's Day etiquettes. I benefit from his decency-generosity.

"Mom, I see these (young) dudes confused . . . puzzled by the array of flowers, goodies . . . not sure what to buy. So, I have made it my mission to assist them . . . guide them to choose flowers, cards, stuff," my son confided some years ago. By being a professor, he is constantly trying to mold behaviors, in whatever capacity. . . I don't expect any less from him.

I am sure the dudes have great intentions, love their moms to the moon but possibly remember to buy them presents on Mother's Day and or their birthdays––sometimes at Christmas (Eid/Bodhi Day/Hanukkah/Diwali/etc.)? Being a mom is a joyful ride––like eating Haagen Daz caramel flavored ice-cream 24/7 with a cherry on top . . . And like the ache in the decaying-wisdom tooth––constant, throbbing, driving you nuts . . . And like the wisdom of the nincompoop-boss who takes great idiotic-pleasure in thwarting your pragmatically-innovative ideas––infuriating, but had to be tolerated with a straight face, adequate understanding . . .

At this modern time, it's expensive to become a mother (or parent/s), especially in the US. Child care costs swallow up a large portion of the income. Preschool-day care costs for one child alone is anywhere between $2,000-2,500 per month. Then there is health Insurance, co-pays, over the counter medications (not covered by insurance), food, clothing, toys, vacations, baby-sitters (weekends?). "The federal Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) guarantees up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave for eligible employees, but it doesn't mandate that employers provide pay during that time."

Globally, birth rate is falling. Taiwan has the lowest fertility rate, with an estimated 1.11 children per woman. Socio-economic conditions, as well as wide gender gaps are possible reasons.

According to Nippon.com, "In 2023, individuals aged 14 or younger in Japan represented 11.3% of the total population."

In Russia the fertility rate is 1.42 births per woman, in Ukraine, 1.26.

In the US it's 1.66 per woman (2022). It has been steadily declining in the last 15 years. The cited reasons are broadly: "women's increased educational attainment and workforce participation, greater access to contraception, and the rising cost of raising children. Additionally, shifts in societal norms and expectations, including later marriages and a greater acceptance of smaller families or childless lifestyles . . ."

Trump is offering a one-time-baby-bonus of $5000 for having a baby. Nothing more, not a cent less––that's the cost of one time-motherhood (!!) to resolve the declining birth rate.

"Only white women are eligible, possibly . . . ," one sceptic friend remarked.

In many poorer countries, children are like pension-benefits––insurance for older years. Low level of education, poverty, non-access to contraception, religion, absence of "safety-net" in old age and cultural norms perhaps are responsible for greater numbers of pregnancies. Maternal and under five child deaths still remain high in many countries. However, some developing nations are witnessing population decline/stagnation. But many in sub-Saharan Africa are projected to have rapid population growth.

Intimate partner violence (IPV)/sexual violence and domestic abuse have not been mentioned anywhere as an influencing or a direct factor for lower birth rates––it's stated that IPV can negatively influence birth outcomes–– a woman's ability to have a healthy pregnancy and /deliver a full-term baby.

In numerous focus group discussions, in-depth interviews I have heard women from diverse backgrounds remark:

"If I had a dependable partner (spouse) I could have more children" . . .

"If I found a reliable, empathetic man, I would consider motherhood," . . .

Motherhood is a complex issue.

Now on a positive note––my granddaughter, Izara observed Mother's Day in her pre- school. She drew her mom's portrait and here is her tribute to her mom (her teacher wrote it down on her behalf):

Izara with her mom: