Diary of an NSSP (Non-Stable Sedentary Person) by Luis Oliveros

 

View from the Pier, Brunnen, Switzerland

I hate it when I fall into “dubitative mode,” especially when it is about going somewhere. Sometimes, fears creep in about taking a trip or traveling by car, train, boat, or plane, even if, rationally, you know there’s nothing to fear, but you still feel very uncomfortable about the idea of going—whether it's there, here, or anywhere, for that matter—and so, you stay home. And that is something that is not supposed to happen. That is when I get annoyed at myself, unless there is a truly valid reason not to go. But most of the time, I just can’t find one.

I usually cannot stay home for more than three or four weeks in a row. It’s not always clear where I actually need to go, want to go, should go, or have to go. Sometimes, I have to search hard for an excuse to leave or even for that place I “need to go.” Of course, I can also see the foolishness of going right then for one reason or another - because it is too expensive, it would be better in a month or two, it is going to rain heavily, it is too cold, too hot, somewhat dangerous, something might happen to the car, my knee is aching too much, or my back is screaming for rest, and I can’t find a reasonably suitable place to stay… So, you do not go, and you stay.

That’s when Remorse (a very detested internal presence) appears and starts asking questions. The Season of the Witch begins; the Department of Internal Affairs triggers an Internal Audit Investigation to look at the reasons that led you to stay put. Your mind is split between the pros and cons of your decision to stay, and you cannot provide a single good reason to justify why you stayed.

You cannot answer all the questions you’re being asked, and you know you will have to provide countless answers to those same questions you asked yourself before deciding to stay—or rather, not to go. And the internal arguments start. Voices on one side ask why, while the other side searches uselessly for reasons. But it is pointless. There is no real reason for a yes or no, and the endless back-and-forth becomes unbearable.

You feel annoyed. You can’t sleep or rest, eat or exercise, read or listen to music. All you can do is think—why, why, why on earth can’t I go, or why the hell should I go? And, moreover, where? But you remain unable to answer all those internal voices that, in reality, are simply asking why you are sometimes so stupid.

More often than not, that’s when I just grab my car keys and a camera and leave for the day. Or I pack a bag for some days, get another bag for at least one camera and lenses, book a hotel for a night along some road heading in some direction, and leave the next morning. Anything to silence those screaming voices.

And, after all, the answer is simple and very much within reach: some people are just born Nomads.

This last "dubitative time" was difficult to overcome, but it ended in the usual way. This time, the destination was Geneva—to visit an old friend—and a small town in Germany, north of Frankfurt (perhaps the subject of another story). I booked a night in a small village outside Innsbruck and began what would become a journey of nearly 3,000 kilometers.

Gateway to Switzerland

Gateway to Switzerland

Somewhere along the road in Switzerland

Brunnen, Switzerland

Brunnen, Switzerland

Brunnen, Switzerland

Brunnen, Switzerland

Brunnen, Switzerland

Brunnen, Switzerland

Brunnen, Switzerland

Brunnen, Switzerland - the pier

Geneva

Geneva

Geneva