Where, oh where do they find them ? : Ken Gibbs

A typical smart phone

       

Old age, they say, brings with it much experience. I rather wish it didn’t.A previous article concerning our new age of technology triggered more comments than any of my previous writings, perhaps indicative of our discomfort at the developments in our new technological/telephonic age. Click here for that article

This time around, I feel compelled to share my experience of the ‘Periodic Update’ which seems to be a feature of many – if not most – programmes on computers, tablets and, yes, our mobile phones which are misnamed as ‘Smart Phones’.

My goodness me – if only they were programmed by Smart People !

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Since buying a South Korean Smart Phone to replace my previous Huawei following a very public spat between Huawei and our government which had discovered that their investment in Huawei technology came with a number of hidden programmes which appeared to allow for back-door entry to data sets, I had to re-learn how to handle my new Samsung. That, in itself, was good for me because I had to read a lot of the small print to get anything to happen at all.

After many months of struggling – and a number of visits to Tesco which is where I bought the device – I appeared to have reached a plateau of what I had learned was sufficient for me to get the darned thing to do what I needed it to do, and I settled down simply to use it. I often thought that my situation must have become rather like a marriage which wasn’t perfect - but adequate - if that means anything.

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Back to my Samsung Smart Phone’s periodic updates most of which were allegedly to close loopholes allowing third parties to hack the phone. Most of the updates took a short while and seemed not to change much about the function of the phone. As they say, “If it ain’t broke, then don’t fix it”, so I became inured to waiting out the update; restarting the phone and checking to see if any of the standard functions had been affected.

That was before A.I. became a feature of computer lexicon. Everybody – not just Samsung – had to get in on the act, so it came as no surprise when Samsung decided the time was right for Samsung, me and my Smart Phone to be introduced to this heavenly estate of being able to chat with a non-person about anything and everything, to resolve all and any of my problems. Actually, at that time, I had no problems, thank you.

Why didn’t somebody at Samsung Laboratories ask the question whether the standard Samsung user would gain any enhancement from the new, AI Update ? I, for one, was not asked if I wanted it – it was simply installed.

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This update took rather longer than I had expected, but as the lawn needed mowing, and the bird bath needed to be cleaned, I was released temporarily.

When I returned to the Smart Phone and re-started it, I was made to agree to a whole set of strange (AI ?) conditions which I had not requested. I tried to avoid any agreement by pressing the Escape button, but was unable to progress. I felt that I was being locked out of my own device, so I agreed to the minimum before I was permitted to access my own installation of apps.

I use this explanation because I am still trying to work out which app icons have changed, and how; and what changes have been inflicted on the Smart Phone related to settings because I seem unable to find them to mute the device, and I even couldn’t find how to close down the phone when I want to sleep, undisturbed. I’m still working at it.

For those finding themselves in this unhappy estate, go straight to your laptop or tablet and Google the appropriate question, like: “How to switch off my Samsung phone”, remembering to include which model of the phone it is. Or, “How to take a screenshot on my Samsung . . . .“. While one does not always get the correct answer immediately, nevertheless, one is usually provided with an either/or possibility.

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Curiously, where before the ‘AI Update’ the phone had two full pages of apps- obtainable by left-swiping the first page, after the update I was unable to move between pages of apps at all. In frustration about the loss of a whole page of apps, I tried up-swiping (no effect), and down-swiping (Bingo ! I got the second page). Why, one asks, is it necessary to change the original setting of left (or right) -swipe ? Is this a devious AI programmer thinking to have some fun ?

As if this wasn’t enough, I discovered that I no longer had two full pages of apps, but an overspill of some five or six new (unrequested) apps. Curiously, this seems to have been Samsung sneaking its own apps by the back door ? I then had to go through all my apps, uninstalling those I had not requested.

Further to complicate the process, a number of my original apps had had their icons changed, so at first, I didn’t recognise them. What did the Samsung AI Programmer have in mind when he/she did this ? Why was it even necessary ?

Now, as if all of these changes were not sufficient to make the blood boil, I now keep getting a notification that I must agree to all the Samsung conditions and terms. Each time this happens, I swipe left until the next time. . . .

I paid cash for my Smart Phone as I could see no good reason why I should pay a huge monthly fee for facilities I never intend using. I bought it for communications purposes (Phone, E-mail, G-Mail, WhatsApp and SMSs principally), but with added camera and banking facilities; Google and Google Maps. When in a tight corner, the SatNav (Waze) is useful as is the bus app which can tell you when the bus isn’t coming. Who needs games and endless news-feeds – especially at those inflated prices ?

Think about it this way: If I buy a car on hire-purchase terms, then I must agree to the terms and conditions laid down by the body which has funded the arrangement; but if I buy the same car outright, I am not required to agree to ‘Terms and Conditions’ at all. Rather, I will not purchase the car unless there are guarantees of good workmanship etc., putting the shoe on the other foot. Why shouldn’t this apply equally to the purchase of a Smart Phone ?

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Now, if AI is to be of any use to me, I would hope that it could provide subtitles so I wouldn’t have to struggle with my deafness, but then nobody programming AI on our devices has ever bothered to ask me.

Have they asked you, yet ? Or do the programmers decide what is ‘good’ and we, the consumers, have simply to like it or lump it ?

Because AI is presently providing me almost instantaneous confusion (AI-C), then the time has perhaps come for there to be a consumer revolution, don’t you think ? Who can think up something really, really devious to show the AI Programmers that they are very short on common sense ?

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