Living, as we do, in a remote part of a forgotten island, the pace of life matches perfectly with our advanced age where issues which seem important to our technophile grandchildren, seem pretty meaningless to us. That is, till some of the pieces of ‘kit’ on which today’s life depends, don’t function as we think they should. The grandchildren seem exasperated whenever they hear of the latest technical glitch which challenges us.
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| THE REMOTE ELECTRONIC MONITOR |
Normal building systems in our area provide a sickening mix of architectural styles and homes which are neither wind nor waterproof and are pretty chilly in winter. For someone trained as an engineer, I find this to be frustrating because it shouldn’t be too difficult to build a well-functioning home – but it is very costly and actually quite difficult to convert an older property into one which is warm and dry.
One of the systems to make life slightly more comfortable is standard central heating. When we inherited the wreck that our house was then, central heating was night-storage heaters, those beasts that took up so much space and heated rooms at the wrong time of day. They were said to be cost-saving but actually weren’t, so the first correction that was made was to install hot-water based radiators in virtually all of the rooms in the house, costing an arm and a leg, but which was able to ensure that water in jugs in the kitchen didn’t freeze overnight.
The necessary ‘boiler’ was driven by heating oil and was – when it was installed – quick to heat up and just within our price range until the price of oil sky-rocketed. The majority of the residents of our village suffered the same ‘problems’, only our home-helpers who couldn’t afford central heating in their basic cottages, had to rely on coal or firewood, and dress very warmly.
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We had decided early on that we would have a uPVC oil storage tank which was all very well until, because it was always in the sunlight, it became brittle and threatened to split. Our oil suppliers made routine checks on our equipment and pointed out that if our tank was allowed to split, the cost of clearing up the resulting oil spill would be enormous – and thus a new tank should be purchased. We were told that the replacement tank would have UV inhibitors to ensure that. . . . . .well, let’s leave the technicalities aside. We just bought a new tank, and it was installed.
When one buys a new ‘piece of kit’, one should read the book of instructions like that General in ‘Those Magnificent Men and their Flying Machines’ told one of his subordinates about learning how to fly. Well, I followed his advice although I was not intending to fly but simply to understand what we could and couldn’t do with our bright and shiny new oil storage tank. The only surprise was that part of the cost of the equipment was for a remote fuel gauge which allows one to monitor the amount of oil in the tank without having to set foot outside the house.
Let’s not complicate matters for those of our readership who have been unable to catch up with modern developments (and who, naturally, can only function adequately when there is a grandchild at hand to advise). The fuel gauge (outside the house) has an electronic monitor which can be plugged into the electricity mains (inside the house) which, by a magical interaction of Wi-Fi and Bluetooth, can show the depth of oil in the tank. Don’t ask how, just accept it.
So, for the last three years or thereabouts, we have been able to determine with considerable accuracy, when to reorder oil so we don’t run out just when snow lies thick on the ground outside. Happily, the end of the cold season came when it was almost time to reorder oil, and because the price of oil was so high, I elected to wait hoping that when I needed to fill the tank, the price would have reduced. Luckily, this was the case; I ordered a full tank, and it was duly delivered.
Happiness is. . . . . .as they say. . . . .and I thought to check whether the monitor would show a full tank. I plugged the monitor into the appropriate position and switched on. Nothing happened for a few minutes and then the display showed exactly what it had been at the end of the last season. Horrors ! Had the oil delivery been a scam – and an expensive one at that ? I went out to the oil tank and double-checked, finding that oil was right up to the top, so it was the monitor that wasn’t working as it should.
Finding the ‘instruction manual’ for the monitor proved unfruitful. I recalled being told by the installers, that if I needed information, I should go on-line and seek it there. I did – go on-line that is – but what I found seemed not to relate to the specific model we have here. I checked – using AI as I was told it would give me the correct information – but the best it could tell me was to check out an on-line video concerning the monitor. Here, I was informed that if all else failed, I should use the same sequence as was used originally during the installation which should clear the memory and then show the level at this time. The instructions seemed to revolve around the ‘pairing’ of two items. Don’t ask which as I am sure to confuse you, but the pairing depends on holding the two items together for at least 20 seconds – which I did, forgetting that one of them actually needs to be powered during the 20 seconds. Wasn’t it like Moses and the Tablets ? Which should go where ?
I digress briefly to note that no image has been included with the two halves of the pair in close embrace, lest there be an editorial objection to such a mating dance.
Obviously, the only power source is inside the house, so this was a good start. I found the piece for pairing off the oil tank; put it beside the electronic monitor and switched on the power. Action. . . . . .lights flashed and the display on the monitor went crazy, and I thought maybe, the whole thing might explode. Happily, it didn’t, and the display soon settled down showing 100% full. I checked the tank again which confirmed the display, so I think we can accept that the ‘kit’ has been re-‘paired’, overcoming its former amnesia. Communications re-established. QED.
One of the systems to make life slightly more comfortable is standard central heating. When we inherited the wreck that our house was then, central heating was night-storage heaters, those beasts that took up so much space and heated rooms at the wrong time of day. They were said to be cost-saving but actually weren’t, so the first correction that was made was to install hot-water based radiators in virtually all of the rooms in the house, costing an arm and a leg, but which was able to ensure that water in jugs in the kitchen didn’t freeze overnight.
The necessary ‘boiler’ was driven by heating oil and was – when it was installed – quick to heat up and just within our price range until the price of oil sky-rocketed. The majority of the residents of our village suffered the same ‘problems’, only our home-helpers who couldn’t afford central heating in their basic cottages, had to rely on coal or firewood, and dress very warmly.
*****
We had decided early on that we would have a uPVC oil storage tank which was all very well until, because it was always in the sunlight, it became brittle and threatened to split. Our oil suppliers made routine checks on our equipment and pointed out that if our tank was allowed to split, the cost of clearing up the resulting oil spill would be enormous – and thus a new tank should be purchased. We were told that the replacement tank would have UV inhibitors to ensure that. . . . . .well, let’s leave the technicalities aside. We just bought a new tank, and it was installed.
When one buys a new ‘piece of kit’, one should read the book of instructions like that General in ‘Those Magnificent Men and their Flying Machines’ told one of his subordinates about learning how to fly. Well, I followed his advice although I was not intending to fly but simply to understand what we could and couldn’t do with our bright and shiny new oil storage tank. The only surprise was that part of the cost of the equipment was for a remote fuel gauge which allows one to monitor the amount of oil in the tank without having to set foot outside the house.
Let’s not complicate matters for those of our readership who have been unable to catch up with modern developments (and who, naturally, can only function adequately when there is a grandchild at hand to advise). The fuel gauge (outside the house) has an electronic monitor which can be plugged into the electricity mains (inside the house) which, by a magical interaction of Wi-Fi and Bluetooth, can show the depth of oil in the tank. Don’t ask how, just accept it.
So, for the last three years or thereabouts, we have been able to determine with considerable accuracy, when to reorder oil so we don’t run out just when snow lies thick on the ground outside. Happily, the end of the cold season came when it was almost time to reorder oil, and because the price of oil was so high, I elected to wait hoping that when I needed to fill the tank, the price would have reduced. Luckily, this was the case; I ordered a full tank, and it was duly delivered.
Happiness is. . . . . .as they say. . . . .and I thought to check whether the monitor would show a full tank. I plugged the monitor into the appropriate position and switched on. Nothing happened for a few minutes and then the display showed exactly what it had been at the end of the last season. Horrors ! Had the oil delivery been a scam – and an expensive one at that ? I went out to the oil tank and double-checked, finding that oil was right up to the top, so it was the monitor that wasn’t working as it should.
Finding the ‘instruction manual’ for the monitor proved unfruitful. I recalled being told by the installers, that if I needed information, I should go on-line and seek it there. I did – go on-line that is – but what I found seemed not to relate to the specific model we have here. I checked – using AI as I was told it would give me the correct information – but the best it could tell me was to check out an on-line video concerning the monitor. Here, I was informed that if all else failed, I should use the same sequence as was used originally during the installation which should clear the memory and then show the level at this time. The instructions seemed to revolve around the ‘pairing’ of two items. Don’t ask which as I am sure to confuse you, but the pairing depends on holding the two items together for at least 20 seconds – which I did, forgetting that one of them actually needs to be powered during the 20 seconds. Wasn’t it like Moses and the Tablets ? Which should go where ?
I digress briefly to note that no image has been included with the two halves of the pair in close embrace, lest there be an editorial objection to such a mating dance.
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| THE OIL TANK ‘DIP-STICK’ |
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If only, if only this cure could be applied to early onset amnesia in humans ! Every time I think about it, I am reminded of Stan Hall, that gentle, cricket-playing, chilli consuming, Jamaican giant who started his career in UNICEF, Bangladesh, in about 1982, and who was so cruelly struck down by the affliction when visiting Amman in The Jordan, many years later.*****
The "simpler" the technical innovations get, the more complicated become the producers' instruction manuals whether written or on-line. It is clear that those who write them already know how to use the gizmos, but their language is other-wordly for the average Shmo !
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